I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
