The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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