So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
