brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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