He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
