I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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