I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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