I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
