I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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