So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
