we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
time to smoke my breakfast
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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