Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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