That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
