you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
