i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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