Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
