Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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