areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
