would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
