i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
