I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
