Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
