I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
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