hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
