Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
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