You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
