Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Randomize
