May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Randomize
