I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
