Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
