East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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