You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
