it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
The power of my boobs compel you
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Randomize
