i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
