No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
