This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
