I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
