she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
