my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Randomize
