nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
