I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
