Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
