she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
