I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
if only i could text you this smell
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
