I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
