I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
