why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
