Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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