if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
