I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
