Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
