Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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