Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
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