Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
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